Finding the Right Therapist: Key Considerations and Warning Signs
By Michelle Payton
As a therapist, I often have friends and family come to me for advice on how to find the right therapist and how to know if their current therapist isn’t the right fit. Therapists are human, and not all humans are made for each other, so it’s important that you find someone who is right for you. Moreover, you should feel comfortable and confident in "breaking up" with your therapist if it’s time to move on.
4 Things to Look for in a Therapist
1. Specialty/Experience: When searching for a therapist, you should first ensure that they have a background in the issues you are facing. While your situation may be unique, it's beneficial to find someone experienced in similar areas. For instance, if you have trauma you want to heal from, look for a therapist trained in trauma. If you are struggling with sex addictions or intimacy issues, a sex therapist will have the specialized background to help.
2. Mutual Compatibility: Your therapist doesn’t need to be your best friend, but they should be someone you feel comfortable sharing with and working through your issues. They should show compassion, and you should leave your appointments feeling respected, heard, and hopeful.
3. Treatment Modality: Many therapists use specific treatment modalities such as CBT, DBT, EMDR, Gottman, Gestalt, and more. Research which modality might be most helpful for your situation and find a therapist who uses that approach. Understanding these modalities can help you make an informed decision.
4. Education: Therapists come from various educational backgrounds. The most common route is a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology or a related field, followed by a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy or Social Work. While the specific degree may not be a primary concern for most clients, you might prefer a therapist with a particular educational background, especially if you have specific needs.
3 Signs That Your Therapist Might Not Be Right for You
1. Lack of Understanding: You feel like they don’t understand you. Despite their attempts to be compassionate and listen, their statements and questions don't quite resonate with you. This can hinder your progress and make you feel disconnected.
2. You Feel Worse: You leave your appointments feeling less hopeful and more down. Note that this is different from feeling drained or sad after a session where you’ve worked through a lot of trauma. Some sessions will be tough, but a persistent sense of dread before, during, or after your sessions shouldn't be ignored.
3. Not Compatible: Their style doesn’t match your needs. For example, I once had a therapist who was quite blunt, which worked for me at that time. However, years later, when I needed to work through deeper trauma, I sought someone more compassionate and caring. It's important to recognize when a change is needed and find a therapist whose style aligns with your current needs.
Overall, we therapists want you to get the best help for your unique needs and goals. We understand if we’re not the right fit and we’ll support you in your decisions. Remember, the right therapist for you is out there, and finding them is a crucial step in your journey to better mental health.