How to not take things personally
Michelle Payton
If you tend to take things personally, most of the research I've encountered suggests that it might be due to underlying low self-esteem and insecurities. OUCH.. I KNOW...
Curiously enough, the reason this topic piqued my interest is because it was specifically requested by my weekly LGBTQIA+ Affirmative therapy group. When this is what I found, I did not know how to break it to them. But when I did, it sparked some very intriguing discussions. I mean It makes sense… if you get over-emotional or defensive when someone says something bad about you, it’s probably because deep down (or even not so deep down) you believe what they’re saying is true.
Low self-esteem and negative self-talk are influential factors contributing to taking things personally. Other causes might include childhood trauma, anxiety, stress, perfectionism, and emotional sensitivity.
Recognizing when you're taking things personally is crucial. Here are some signs:
Believing harsh comments about yourself
Difficulty saying "no"
Getting defensive easily
Dwelling on conversations long after they occur
Struggling with setting and following boundaries
Tips/ Tools on How to Stop Taking Things Personally:
"If it doesn't apply, let it fly": A simple yet effective mantra that a client in my group shared to remind oneself not to internalize what isn't relevant.
The 3 P's: Pause, Process, Proceed. Take a moment to understand, process, and then respond. This helps avoid unnecessary overreactions.
Stop fixating on others' opinions. Remember, people usually act based on their desires and needs, not primarily to affect you.
Give the benefit of the doubt: Ask for clarification when you feel misunderstood.
Boost self-esteem through positive affirmations and recognizing personal strengths and achievements.
Enhance self-awareness through mindfulness practices like meditation and journaling.
Seek help from a mental health therapist, especially if struggling with anxiety, trauma, stress, or low self-esteem. Professional support can significantly aid in overcoming these challenges.
Working on not taking things personally is a journey, but with these tips, it's possible to navigate through it. If you're experiencing difficulties, seeking guidance from a mental health professional can be a positive step forward.
Fill out an inquiry to get started with a My Mental Climb therapist today.
