Rising Strong: Embracing Adversity, Positive Coping, and Personal Growth in the Face of Challenges
By Christina Mathieson, LMFT
When confronted with adversity, our bodies and minds often entertain thoughts of giving up, deeming the challenge or stressor too daunting, and viewing ourselves as not strong, capable, or intelligent enough. Yet, some of our greatest moments in life occur when individuals emerge on the other side of adversity with realizing that it didn't shatter them. Perhaps it even forged them into a stronger version of themselves.
Does this mean we seek adversity or raise our hand for the next big challenge? Not necessarily; however, it doesn’t mean that life won’t throw some challenges your way. The only thing you can do is build the life skills you need to handle these situations as best as you can.
Research has shown that resilient people use positive emotions to bounce back from negative emotional experiences. Positive emotions can help buffer against stress. One way positive emotions act as a buffer is they help broaden an individual's options for thoughts and actions. Negative emotions, on the other hand, often narrow these options to encourage your body and cardiovascular system to act in a particular way (fight, flight, freeze, etc.). Since our bodies naturally are biased toward more negative experiences and interactions, staying positive is not necessarily easy.
I was susceptible to this negativity bias when I received the news about my knee having the “unhappy triad,” also known as a knee blowout. It wasn’t easy adjusting my life plans to accommodate my new body. My journey was full of many emotions and life lessons. The times when my journey felt more manageable were when I was implementing positive coping skills. The skills that helped me the most were using positive reappraisal, practicing problem-focused coping, celebrating the small wins, having a gratitude practice, and seeking support and connection.
Positive reappraisal is the cognitive coping strategy that involves reinterpreting or reframing a stressful or challenging situation. I decided to stay temporarily with my family when I was recovering from my ACL surgery. However, picking up my life and settling in somewhere else for 6 months was not easy. I positively re-appraised my knee surgery, as the catalyst for helping me move closer to my grandma. This allowed me to see her more often and have more memories with her before she passed months later.
Another coping skill used in my situation was problem-focused coping. This skill allowed me to focus on my agency and control over the stressor. Although I was not able to change the direct stressor (not being injured or having the surgery), I was able to focus on my agency and choice in my situation. This included making decisions about what surgeon I would choose, when I would schedule the surgery, how much I practiced my PT afterward, how much time I took off of work, and being near my family for support during the recovery.
There were times when I would feel discouraged about how long it took me to get back to my normal activities. I would feel impatient and wish that time would speed up so I could be done with recovering already. Usually, after having this pity party, I would then attend one of my many PT appointments for the week. I would see a new patient in my PT class working on the exercises I was given on day one post-surgery. This would bring me back to what that was like and remind me of how far I had come. Rather than comparing myself to my old self, I could compare to the beginning part of my journey post-surgery and appreciate the mobility and independence I was gaining back. These moments were a great reminder about resetting the expectations of my current circumstances and celebrating the small wins.
During my stay with family, I appreciated my sister encouraging me to start my day with a gratitude practice. Upon waking up, I would list three things I was grateful for and one thing that would make today great that was in my control. Since this practice was done at the beginning of the day, my gratitude was not dependent on what happened that day. Defining what would make my day great, helped me set a goal and focus for the day. It also reminded me that I am not a passive bystander in my day but instead have a significant influence on my mood and experience.
After my surgery, I was hit with many losses and difficult life events. By acknowledging that my challenges had intensified and accepting that I could not do it on my own, I reached out to friends and family and asked for support and help. Getting connected with a therapist (yes, therapists sometimes have therapists), having more frequent check-in’s with friends, and time with family helped me navigate a difficult period. In addition to my amazing support system, I was taken aback by how much strangers would step up and offer acts of kindness. When dealing with crutches or a straight leg brace, there were many instances while traveling that I received offers of help from others or would have people start conversations with me, connecting over similar life experiences that they had had.
One of the many lessons I hope not to forget from this journey is how to look for ways to be there for others and ask if I can help. Although tearing my ACL wasn’t pleasant, I appreciate that I have learned many valuable lessons and skills through this process and forged a stronger and more compassionate version of myself.