Juggling Holiday Dynamics
The holiday season is often a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many, it can also bring about the challenge of balancing the joy of creating new family traditions with maintaining traditions cherished for generations. Here are some helpful tips and strategies to navigate these holiday juggling acts.
Starting Your Own Family Traditions:
The excitement of starting your own family comes with the opportunity to create traditions that reflect your personal values, beliefs, and the love you share. Whether it’s a special holiday meal, festive decorations, or a family activity, embrace the opportunity to create traditions and memories that resonate with your family. Be open to trying new things and finding joy in the process of building your own holiday traditions. Remember, every family is unique, and there is no “right” way to celebrate the holidays. One of our family traditions is watching James Bond on Christmas Eve. This was not a tradition that was intentionally set but instead became an established tradition over the years since we first found the reruns on TV and enjoyed watching it together with our cousins. Traditions can be something as simple as that, a random act you want and wish to continue over the years.
Juggling Time Between Families:
For many, the holidays involve managing time between different sides of the family. While these might be time-honored traditions, it can be a challenge juggling time with both sides of the family tree and trying to create your own holiday traditions. Having open dialogue with your family can help you navigate these challenges. Some ideas to consider include alternating which side of the family you visit each year or starting a new family tradition of inviting both sides to celebrate with you, which is particularly helpful when dealing with young children. While these conversations can sometimes be challenging to navigate, remember that it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your immediate family’s well-being. Remember, most traditions we have come to cherish and love over the years started as a new tradition at some point.
Navigating the Holidays in the Absence of a Loved One:
The holidays can intensify feelings of grief, especially when a loved one is no longer with us. Instead of focusing on the loss of their presence during the holidays, consider finding a way to honor their memory by incorporating their favorite traditions or creating new rituals to celebrate their life. Growing up, my grandma was the center of the holidays. She was the glue that held everyone together, and it is impossible to think of Christmas without thinking of her in her festive sweater with her bright red nails. Since each family member had their own family traditions they were building, we would spend Christmas Eve at my grandma’s, all coming together to celebrate before we continued celebrating the holidays in our own unique way. My grandma would cook a traditional Swedish smorgasbord each Christmas Eve, honoring our grandfather’s heritage and family traditions. This traditional spread would include pickled herring, head cheese, meatballs, and more. Over the years, kid-friendly additions, such as the jello salad and potato casserole, were added. These items seamlessly became part of the tradition, with my cousins and I decorating the jello salad yearly.
Over the last few years, a tradition that has been a part of my life has had to evolve due to Covid and my grandma’s health issues. While the holidays might not have looked the same, what was truly important was that the love for one another and time together remained the center focus. This year will be the first year without my grandma. My heart is heavier than usual heading into the holidays this year. While our traditional Christmas Eve has undergone changes over the last few years, my grandma continued to be the center of those traditions, the heart and soul of the holiday season. This year will be the first holiday season without my grandma. The loss of a woman that I so dearly love is something new I am going to have to navigate, and while she is no longer here to celebrate the holidays with us, I am choosing to continue to celebrate the holidays, focus on appreciating the time I have with my family, and make new traditions in her honor.
It is okay to feel a mix of emotions during this time. It is okay to struggle to navigate a time of festivities without a loved one. It is okay to be unsure what this year's traditions will look like. It is okay to do something completely different next year. Remember to give yourself grace this holiday season. Consider seeking out friends and family to help you focus on why you loved the holiday season in the first place. Focus on honoring the memories you have while working on building new ones. Also, remember, if the feelings become overwhelming, do not hesitate to reach out to a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to navigate these complex emotions.
Supporting Those Who Aren’t Close to Family:
Not everyone has positive holiday memories or is surrounded by family during the holidays, and this time of year can be particularly challenging for those who are far from loved ones. If you find loved ones or friends in this situation, consider extending an invitation to them, whether to join for Christmas dinner, walk the neighborhood and check out the lights, or come over for a mug of hot chocolate. These simple gestures can help someone feel like they’re not alone during this difficult time. In addition, if you find yourself in this situation, consider reaching out to friends, creating a chosen family, or volunteering in your community. The holidays can be an opportunity to connect with others, share experiences, and find comfort in the presence of those who care.
As you juggle this holiday season, remember there is no one-size-fits-all approach to celebrating this festive season. Embrace the uniqueness of your family dynamics, be open to adapting traditions, and remember to prioritize what matters most. Whether creating new traditions, honoring the past, or finding solace amid loss, the holiday season is an opportunity for growth, love, and lasting memories.
